I think I have officially been smacked by God. Given a wake up call of sorts if you will. Today we went to church as usual but it ended in an unusual way for me.
See last night I went to bed angry and bitter. My mother may have something seriously wrong (sorry don’t want to go into details until I know for sure) and I was angry. I was angry that she let herself get this bad, angry that she didn’t tell me herself, and angry that I couldn’t help but to wonder how long do I have with her and automatically thinking the worse. I should of been thinking at least they are figuring it out. I should of been thinking of now we know how to make it better. But instead I let bitter and anger take over me.
But then the sermon came. Phil 4:4 was THE topic. The ONLY topic. “Rejoice IN THE LORD always, again I say, REJOICE”…… OK OK OK! I am listening. The guest speaker (we are in the process of finding a new pastor) continues by saying that we easily rejoice when things are going good. But when things go bad, we don’t. He reminded us of Paul and Silas in prison. Dwelling with rats, no sunlight and shackles and instead of feeling sorry for themselves they rejoiced by singing songs of praises. He had us imagine how better the world would be if we had a jubilant attitude.
Listening to this reminded me of my favorite vs Phil 4:8 (ok so I love all of Phil 4 but this one really gets me) “Finally brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virture, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” Yep I love it so much so that I made a plaque with this verse on it. But I have forgotten it. I let anger build in me and I shouldn’t of.
It is hard to rejoice at times though. Like right now I allowed anger to come in again when I saw that statistics for Law Enforcement in the past 5 days. If you include the 3 Canadians and the 2 Las Vegas PO’s that were hunted down like animals there are a total of 12 Law Enforcement in the line of duty deaths in 5 days! 5 Day! What is there to rejoice in that?!?!?
But I must. I must stay happy. I must rejoice that I am blessed my husband has been able to come home to us. I must rejoice that those who have fallen are home with their Heavenly Father and no longer dealing with the insanity. I must rejoice that God has his hands on those serving. I must still rejoice that my mom has answers.
This will be hard, as it is easy to dwell on the bad. But my goal is to start rejoicing more. Start being more “jubilant” with my life in general. There is one other verse that makes me rejoice that gives me hope that I will end with:
“Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the Children of God”
~ Matthew 5:9