This is not an easy post for me to write. I have been trying to figure out the words to do this post with. Last summer I struggled with the death of Det. Orozco but it inspired me to write about my blue family when I was suppose to write about my family (you can view that post HERE ). It was hard. It was my home town. I watched my husband struggle as a sister was taken to soon.
Then Elizabeth, Mike and Sloan from Humanizing the Badge put together a beautiful tribute to Det. Orozco and other officers. Dear Officer brought back so may emotions, so many tears. There is a picture right of the bat of a gentleman who removed his hard hat and knelt as the procession for Det. Orozco went by. An image that stuck in my mind from the day of her funeral. The honor, the respect. The tears came again. The book is a series of letters, to officers, to the families, to the rookie spouse. All full of love and emotions, and images that just hit you. Yes, I cried some more while reading this book.
This week is National Police week. It starts tomorrow (May 10th) and will end on May 16th. This is a week where we honor, and thank those who are serving and those we have lost in the line of duty.
Last year the nation lost 127 officers in the line of duty. This year- we are already at 42 fallen heros. It is a hard time for the men and women in blue. So I like to try to show those in our area how I appreciate them and appreciate that they have my husbands back. Last year we made some really cute “Police Survival” goody bags. They had some candy like Life Savers, Mounds, ect… And they all had really cute sayings to go with them. We had a brunch to kick off police week and then a dinner mid week.
Here, we are a law enforcement family. You may have noticed that I often refer to my husband in posts as The Popo. Because he is. He is a trooper with the State Patrol and I love him dearly for what he does.
Being an LEO wife means a lot more then the title. It means being strong when needed, being silent when needed, birthdays and holidays fall on different days, weekends are in the middle of the week which means so does date night. It also means being aware of their 3rd Arm. Yep- I call it their 3rd Arm. It is always there. You get to a point where you just know what side of him to stand/sit on when walking or sitting together so that he can easily get to it when needed. Because if you are married to an LEO you know, they are never off duty. They are always assessing, looking, alert. They are always protecting. And part of that comes with that extra appendage. It is just the way it is and something you get used to. And to be honest with all the hate towards cops- I am glad he has it on him at all times so he can at least of a chance to defend himself.
I think I have officially been smacked by God. Given a wake up call of sorts if you will. Today we went to church as usual but it ended in an unusual way for me.
See last night I went to bed angry and bitter. My mother may have something seriously wrong (sorry don’t want to go into details until I know for sure) and I was angry. I was angry that she let herself get this bad, angry that she didn’t tell me herself, and angry that I couldn’t help but to wonder how long do I have with her and automatically thinking the worse. I should of been thinking at least they are figuring it out. I should of been thinking of now we know how to make it better. But instead I let bitter and anger take over me.
So last night while I was debating stayin up late for my hubby or going to bed it dawned on me. It has been a year since we started our new chapter in life. Sorry guys no fancy pictures just pure reflection.
At the end of April last year was the proudest moment a wife could have- her husband having his badge pinned on him. Watching him take that oath to serve and protect and since that day our lives have never been the same.
There is no more normal for us. Our Friday is on Monday, our Monday on Thursday. Birthdays are scheduled around sleep and shifts. There has been training and court like no other. There are nights where he isn’t home till 6am the next morning and nights where he is home by bedtime. Our life has been everything but normal! I would not change it for the world!
Since moving to our tiny community we have made new friends, found a great church and have really embraced the small town life. I figured if everyone is going to know me it was going to be by actually seeing me and talking to me and not through rumors. I now work at the school part time as a para sub and hope to be full time next fall. Nothing like working around your kid’s schedule then having the exact same one as them! We have gotten my son into Cub Scouts which I have helped out with a lot. Then there is the wrestling, the track and soon T-Ball. We are really making waves in the community. My favorite thing is when I meet someone (yes there are still a few out there) I simply have to say “We are the new trooper family” and they know everything. They know where we live, they know what shift my hubby works, what grade my kids are in and even of our food allergy. And oddly enough, I love it! I would not trade it for the world!
Yes we have had some interesting not so fun times. My hubby’s agency has been a part of a few shoot outs/hostage situations. Luckily he was off for all of them. He did wreck is car already in a chase as well (he was fine). But the biggest frustration has been getting family to understand that we can’t just drop everything and drive 2 hours for a 2 hour thing to drive 2 hours back every weekend! We have a life that we have to make of our own, we try to go visit as much as we can, but our life needs to be instilled in our new community. I think if we can get family to understand that and not expect us to drive to them every month I would be good.
The other thing I have been dealing with this year is learning to let go. I have a few people/incidents in my life that I just need to let go. One of them I was reminded of when I went to start writing this post as it involves my hubby’s graduation from the Police Academy. I even remember the hurt in my daughters eyes at one point over something that happened during the event. But I am working on letting go of that. It is hard but I will turn it over to God along with the other person I am having issues with.
Over all I am very happy with all that has gone on. We have really made a life for ourselves here and my kids are extremely happy. My son’s night terrors have stopped for the most part (in fact has only had one massive one since we moved!), my daughter has really grown and I am often told they can not believe how compassionate she is for her age (we have a kid in her class with Down Syndrom and she is the only one who is truly nice to him). I am so proud of our family for the adaptions we made and for adjusting so well. It definately has been an adventure and I can not wait to see what is in store for us!
I have gone back and forth as to if I am was going to do a tribute post. And I was not going to. But then something hit me. Anger. Frustration. Any emotion you can possibily imagine.
I was doing good until I was subbing at the school today. As a teacher’s aid so bounced from a few different class rooms. Then World History came. The teacher decided to show some CNN footage from the day and a show (which is running on History) called 102 Minutes That Changed America. I did everything I could not to cry…… Again…..
I remember where I was 11 years ago. I worked for a bank. And we were unusually slow and we couldn’t figure out why, until some lady yelled at us for not having our flags lowered. We turned on the radio and heard the news. We all just sank. Then panic for me set in as I heard the news report of the pentagon. I had a friend there…Luckily he was safe. Then even more panic. A plan in PA. I have relatives there! Where in PA, what town? I was frantically calling my mom, crying, my boss was telling me to go home but I didn’t want to. Finally she called the bank- my family was safe. I was angry and frustrated. That day was erie. The next day- hard to comprehend what had just happened. Pissed because I knew it would mean war- I knew that meant my uncles being set away….
11 years later all those emotions were brought back. My 7 year old has been hearing about it. Asked what people were talking about and asked if what his friend was saying was true. So we turned on the History Channel. For 2 hours he sat quietly, just watching. I asked him if he was ok and if he had any questions. He said no… but then all of a sudden frustration kicked in. The hardest questions I have yet to be asked
“Why would they want to do that!?!?!?”
“Why didn’t the Trooper Planes stop them!?!?!?”
Stab. Right to the heart. See we teach my son that the men and woman in blue are there to help him, to help people. To stop the bad guys.After all, his father wears blue proudly. His little mind went straight to- why didn’t the cops stop them? To see his emotion and him comprehending how bad this was just amazing but sadden me. I assured him that if they could of stopped them, they would of. But no one knew this was coming. He watched the firefighters on TV, watched the cops. He knew. He knew they tried. I explained it as best as I could and I hope in time he will understand. But then again, I still can not fully understand why today happened. We all know it was an attack on our country, we all know who did it. But it is the why.
Those involved will never be forgotten. I am a proud LEOW and my kids are proud of their Daddy. To all you other LEO families- your scrafices are not unnoticed, and are worth it. To the LEO’s THANK YOU! Thank you for protecting us, thank you for putting safety above everything else. Stay safe and come home!